On my bedside table...

  • ...a cup of hot tea
  • "Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life."
  • Krakatoa - Simon Winchester

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Hello, brother.

Well…

…Hell.


I am feeling that I need to offer you an explanation (excuse) for why you have not heard from me in… um... whenever.
10 months, actually.
And then immediately the guilt seized me. Then I told myself, “Fuck- it in a bucket.”

Thank you, Master Yang… (You will understand in a moment.)

I am an absolute strumpet for attention. Synchronicity and Karma are really theories to buy stock in (as long as your chokras are in alignment.) I was sitting on my back porch with the hounds, sipping a cup of hot tea, meditating over the waterfall of my swimming pool and the newfound marvel of an empty mind, and not 10 whole minutes later I get an email. It is from someone who has commented on one of my many websites, “Letters to my Brother in Jail.” The comment says, "You are a very good writer," or something along those lines.

Ahem...

I tried, in vain, to post a thank-you to this mystery commenter, an explanation for my ideas, the inspiration behind the posts, my favorite nonfiction author and breakfast cereal preference. Apparently, the kind commentor had thrown me an anonymous bone. WTH?? Instead of feeling the proper emotion, and then appropriately letting it go (thank you, Master Yang), I was spurred into action (sorry, Master Yang) so I sashayed over to the computer to pick back up with our neglected, one-sided dialog, Brother, hoping in earnest that my anonymous visitor would appear again and pay me another compliment. (My psychologist insists that I need boundaries, and perhaps a closer scrutiny of certain motivations)

Sorry, Brother, for that unfortunate bit of inspiration, but I think this will help explain the dark place in which I have been stuck lately. About eight weeks ago, I suddenly realized that, for many years, I have been stuck in the First Act of “All of These Certain Type Situations Play” AND unless I take drastic action, I will undoubtedly be stuck in the "starring role" of this play for…the…rest… of…my…everlovin’… life. Amen.

My life has been an opera. Thus it is appropriate that I would be listening to a lot of opera music lately, what with this great epiphany. The problem with opera is that an opera is typically one great big party that ends in death. So apropos. That is where I have been headed.

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