"Letters to my brother...in jail"

I got a call from someone yesterday that started off our interchange by clearing his throat (in a foreshadowing manner). It was the principal at Chandler’s HIGH SCHOOL. The conversation went something like this:

- Mrs. Short, I regret to inform you that your son, Chandler, is sitting in my office.
- Oh really? Why?
- Chandler has been involved in an altercation this morning in the gym with another male.
- (???) What happened?
- Chandler bounced a dodgeball off the back of this young man’s head.
- Really? That doesn’t sound like something Chandler would do.
- Well, actually, the ball ricocheted off of the wall and onto the boy’s head. The boy is not hurt, other than his feelings…

At which point I started laughing. I mean, I didn’t mean to laugh but I did. The Principal clears his throat again loudly. “Which leads me to the crux of why your son is in my office, Ms. Short.”

“Why is that?”
“Because he laughed about the situation.”

Shane, seriously, I avoid showing up for Chandler’s parent-teacher-principal conferences for fear of someone trying to pop me in the mouth with a cake of Irish Spring, you know. It’s a third-baby thing… You just seem to not obsess over the little things anymore. Most people seem to be with this program, except for these Career Public School types.

Today I will be cooking at home. You know, bracing for the long-term effects of “doing more with less.” I am making Chicken-Fried steak, smashed potatoes, brown gravy and green beans – all cooked in bacon fat and butter -- exactly as God intended it. I am sorry that you are not here to enjoy. There is no better food on the planet than the aforementioned combination prepared in such haphazard manner -- and you can write that down, brother. Amen.

Kevin is doing exceptional, except early this morning, while he was preparing for a business meeting, I had hopefully the last conversation of its type with Kevin… ever… “Listen to me. Listen to me, Kevin. Stop wearing vests.”

Kevin rocks. Kevin balances my universe. Amen.

As for me?? …at the end of the day, all I want is an official Red Ryder, carbine-action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and a thing which tells time! This will never happen, Shane, yet perhaps you see my point?

Hurry up.