"Letters to my brother...in jail"

I have problematic teeth, which is why it should not surprise me in the least that Chandler has problematic teeth as well.

“Ms. Short (ahem) Chandler has very thick saliva. Thick saliva is indicative of lack of oxygen, leading to proliferation of bacteria. We understand that he really shouldn’t be chewing gum, given the very expensive orthodontic appliance and all, but please allow him to chew sugar-free gum… 24-hours a day… as it aerates the mouth and flushes out the crevasses.”

I made a great show of berating my son publicly in the lobby of the dentist office (think Piggly-Wiggly mom minus the slapping) – EVEN THOUGH every time I walk into the dentist’s office, they look at me like I’ve been sleeping with hard candy in my mouth.

I can sum up our dental hygienist in one phrase: She is the scary den mother of our life. We are afraid of her. Bad teeth is a curse that we just can’t seem to get away from in this family. Our mother doesn’t have any, and our father’s poor mouth is spangled with decorative, colorful nubs. Very bad juju indeed, handed down from both sides. I assume that you suffer from the same curse? I just found out that the dentist is recommending that Chandler’s braces be REMOVED in order to address the cavity situation and the REINSTALLED. Is that legal? I’m sure Blue Cross will take issue with the exercise. I was also apprised of the approximate cost of this endeavor, which is why I hope to drink heavily this weekend.